My response to most stressful situations is flight. I constantly find myself wishing things away or hoping to click my heels and teleport to another realm. Anything to distract myself from the discomfort. For the past few months, confined as we’ve all been, I’ve found myself doing the same thing; finding little crevices of freedom in every corner; texts, social media, a bunch of apps that serve the same purpose, very temporary hobbies, binge-watching series/movies (even when I know the script verbatim) and watching tutorials of DIY projects I keep putting off until the next week. I haven’t really allowed myself to sit in it all and really marinate in it.
On the few occasions that I’ve been lucky enough to travel, I have never made it a point to go through a checklist of all the touristy places to see. I kinda go with the flow and use every sight I haven’t seen as motivation to work really hard and return one day. I’m always putting things off until next time.
This period has made me sit and take stock of all the things I have taken for granted as well as dreams deferred. Living in the past or dreading the future can really rob you of the beauty of the present. This is a recurring theme for me whenever I go on a trip. I’ve often found myself eclipsed by the anxiety of being in transit instead of just being present and thankful for the ride – I mean this literally but I won’t lie, the metaphor is felt on a spiritual level.
I’ve come to love travel a lot because it feels like an opportunity to live someone else’s life. Even if it’s just for a moment. To experience the world through someone else’s eyes. I love it so much but I’m equally unnerved by it.
“Wherever you go, you take yourself with you.” – Neil Gaiman
Most of the time, I can’t shake this longing for special places; hiding places that offer the perfect escape. Places that implore you to come as you are and embrace you in your entirety. Places where you can be free of inhibitions, worry and fear. Spaces where your alter-ego can flourish. Truth is, no such place exists, not when you’re not anchored in yourself and your truth. Not when you don’t accept yourself with the same vigour and enthusiasm with which you accept others. Not when you’re either always fleeing or lamenting.
I dream of traveling to relaxed places like Marseille, Montepellier, Cinque Terre, Positano and Portofino in the summer; Aperol Sprtiz in hand. I also dream of getting lost in busy/overwhelming cities like Berlin, New York, Paris, London and Tokyo. I could go on.
The place I wish to conquer first, however, is myself; to embrace myself as I am and become the epitome of home, so I can be that no matter where I go.
THE BEFITTING ROOM 